Let me begin with I still love Africa. A large piece of my heart is in Nigeria with those beautiful children who in this very moment are probably eating dinner and taking baths. I am still planning on going there and loving those who hold my heart in their little hands calloused and stained by red dirt. I am just not sure when that will be. And yes, that last sentence hurts my heart.
My freshman year of college I felt God's call on my life to missions. I began praying about what this would look like while I was in college and after it. This lead me to the international ministry at the Baptist Student Ministry, a summer spent at Mission Arlington, and two spent in Nigeria.
It also lead to me repeating the words of Isaiah "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah said this after seeing the Lord on His throne surrounded by creatures calling out "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is filled with His glory!" The Lord asked "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Isaiah replied simply "Here am I! Send me." (The full story can be found in Isaiah 6:1-8) This was his response to seeing God on His throne. 'Allow me to go and tell others of you.' I can't tell you how many times those two simple sentences have become my prayer. How many times I cried this words while driving, laying in bed, walking my dog, walking around my campus. This is the kind of heart I have always wanted. I want to see God and then immediately want to go tell others about what I saw.
I did my best to do just that. I followed Him to international ministry, Mission Arlington, and Nigeria. All of these things were easy for me. They were comfortable, they were home. For those who have ever talked to me about Nigeria you know how my heart often longs for that little village down a dirt road. You know how nothing quite feels like home like that. And somehow over time this became what my mind saw when I said the words "Here am I! Send me." I no longer saw the world and its need for Him. I saw one area, truly a speck on the face of the earth. But it's a speck I love. My view of missions became Nigeria. All the while I continued to pray "Here am I! Send me."
Then God wrecked my view of missions. He destroyed it. And I couldn't be happier. And more terrified. Missions in my life is no longer just Nigeria. He reopened my eyes to the world. In fact He is sending me to it. I spend a lot of time laughing with God now. Laughing at how narrow my own eyes had become and how I needed this to open them fully.
I have been reminded that the whole world needs Him. And I am so humbled that He has chosen me, little ole me, a loud red head from a small town in Texas to go and be His light in a place quite opposite of where I saw myself. As many have pointed out, Japan is just about as opposite as you can get from a village in Nigeria.
It has made me more dependent on God than I have been in a long time. I need Him to comfort my fears, because I am truly terrified. I need Him to give me the words to speak, mine couldn't save anyone. I need Him to love me. I need Him for every moment of the day.
So yes, Nagoya, Japan is not Nigeria. But there are hurting, broken, and lost people there, just like in Nsukka, Nigeria and just like Denton, Texas.
"Here am I! Send me." No matter where that leads.
