Terrified and Full of Joy.

As my own words fail me I found others that fit wonderfully. Once again from Kisses from Katie said exactly what I was thinking.

I can see the women with their eyes wide as they tremble in front of the empty tomb.
They listen to the angel's words – can it be? - and they scurry, terrified and full of joy.

Terrified and full of joy - I live there. It is possible to be afraid of what obedience might bring next and be full of thanks and overflowing joy and TRUST anyway. This giddy anticipation because we see all that He has done for us and we believe that He can only bring more good. Good, even in the ugly.

They see Him and they fall and the grab hold of His feet, clasp them, tangible, real feet. I live there too. Just holding on for dear life, choking back joyful sobs into the feet of my Savior.

Risen from the dead. And He does that with my life, this broken body, these broken dreams.

Beauty from the ashes. Beauty from the torture and the nail scars and the blood red life spilling out everywhere. Beauty from the black of the tomb


Terrified and fully of joy. That's exactly where I am at. 


I'm terrified because I leave for Africa in 20 days, and still so much needs to be done, as my loving parents keep reminding me. When I look at what I need to do part of me wants to just sit and breathe, while the rest of me knows I need to get up and get working. 


I'm full of joy because I am exactly where God wants me to be. I currently can't do anything to move some things along other than pray, have faith, and make what feels like millions of phone calls to people who don't answer their phone, or reply to emails.


 I'm also going exactly where God wants me. Despite the crazyness of everything going on and the many questions running through my mind nonstop I have no doubt Nigeria is where I am supposed to be this summer. God worked out the big things, now he is working on the details. I'm just trying to remember to breathe while I wait. 


In other news I will bring my computer to Nigeria. Which means I will be able to update this lovely blog, and skype! Yes you read that right! So add me on skype and let's talk this summer! :] If you don't have a skype, you should get one. I think it's pretty exciting even if you don't. 


I'm starting to get asked the questions of "What are you going to miss most this summer?" and "What are you most excited about?"  To hopefully avoid getting asked these by all of you I'll answer them now.


I'm going to miss my family the most. Summer has always been a time for us, my brothers parents aunts uncles grandparents cousins and friends of all listed above, to spend a TON of time together. Late nights playing video games that I'm awful at with my brother laughing the whole time. That is what I'm going to miss the most. 


I have already touched on what I'm most excited about. I can't wait to be living out God's call on my life. I can't wait to love on beautiful children for the summer. I can't wait for everything that includes. I know is this exactly what God wants me to do with my life, and I get to do it. THAT'S what I'm most excited about. That's what brings me to tears when I think about it. That is why I'm so full of joy.